In Shankar Vedantam's The Hidden Brain the science journalist discusses a phenomenon he parallels to a personal, near-death ocean experience that he calls the invisible current wherein people who swim with the current believe they are able to swim faster and farther because their own inherent strength and are unaware of additional forces.
In citation Vendantam describes two case studies of transgender male-to-female bodied and female-to-male bodied people in academic settings. It's revealing to notice the rail-guided structure comprised of positive expectations, privilege, and unearned advantages that many men readily enjoy and many women actively perpetuate, although the invisible current metaphor isn't limited just to feminism, it's functional for ability, race, orientation, age, and most significantly attractiveness.
In social psychology lecture my professor was very adamant that we recognize the significance of attractiveness discrimination, and the evidence of the privilege accumulated through this discrimination is monumental. There is an industrial culture in America that worships beauty: money is exchanged, ads are pitched, products are manufactured, and individuals become products. We attach ourselves to names, faces, and bodies that are easy to recall when making personal comparisons.
There's a reason all your most attractive, most intelligent friends post the least amount of f-b photos. Social vanity creates a subtle conflict within an online community and it becomes easy for attractiveness discrimination to manifest itself into trolling and stalking. People of integrity actively seek prejudice and work to dismantle it, but attractiveness prejudice is so ingratiated into who we are as to seem a genetic imperative.
Social Darwinism has fittingly earned its place on the wrong side of history, and when the argument arises it's more likely to be a red flag of injustice than an ethically acceptable ideology. The idea that attractive people deserve to be treated differently, and the subsequent creation of an elect class of humans is the most degrading and universal injustice on the planet. And the hardest part of eradicating it is learning to detect it.
Firstly, it's important to be able to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery. You may think you're providing a service with a self-esteem building compliment to someone attractive, but truly you're only depriving them of the oxygen of reality with suffocating flattery. This is especially true of people you are sexually attracted, but not committed, to. It's a subconscious, conditioned response to tell people if they're pretty because our insecurities seek out the approval of people whose looks give them authority. I try to make neutral compliments to others, only noticing changes of appearance and always keeping it brief.
Secondly, accept your own self-image. Accentuate your flaws and become someone memorable. Don't hide your body, even if it's gross: the only way for it to become "un-gross" is for people to be exposed to it. In the living world, outside of the glowing rectangles we love to stare at, people are attracted to all different bodies/faces/hairstyles not just the elect ideal of attractiveness. I have a thick mat of chest hair ("hamburger meat") that people have told me I should cover up or wax or burn off or whatever, but instead of getting hung up on other people's body issues I wear v-necks and a-shirts with pride.
Also you have to recognize the power dynamic in play with attractiveness discrimination. Intuitively one assumes the dynamic is cascading: with attractive people at the top of a hierarchy. I'd argue instead that the dynamic is more of a bell curve with those of average attractiveness majority wielding prejudice against the less attractive/more attractive minority. In both respects people are hunted (an ugly nerd is an "easy target" while the sexy single is "stalked"), and an anxiety of predation is established.
Attractiveness is nearly impossible to unbiasedly self-asses, and asking others will only give you inconsistent results. This is a testament to the fluid definition of attractive qualities. The process of divining these qualities is also highly self-destructive, and is not recommend. Instead, don't try to be "your perfect person" be as ugly as you can be and still love yourself. Remember, the majority is the average so aim for the middle. Women often tell me my eyes are my best feature and I'm hiding them with my dorky, Napoleon Dynamite glasses. The very thought of touching my eyes to put in contact lenses as per suggestion makes me shudder; almost as much as the idea of enduring said torture just for the benefit of those who only appreciate me for my looks.
It seems unnecessary to say but the difference between insults and criticism is also crucial. It's okay to swear at someone and tell them hurtful things when you're both angry, in the same room, and you love each other but being judgmental of people on the street is cheap entertainment that ultimately corrupts. Noticing that people are fat doesn't make you thin, and noticing that people have gross ponytails doesn't give you perfect hair forever. Of course there will always be a place in the heart of the sardonic for being critical of fashion, one should always bear in mind the train wreck outfits of laundry day's past.
The categorical imperative gets thrown around a lot by people who get off to abstract concepts, but the real challenge of morality isn't simply developing empathy: it's finding what qualities specifically you share with your fellow man, and how to protect them. When you strip away the attractiveness and elitism from the world you're left with only people of dignity and nobility, and you see that they're all the people.
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