In Shankar Vedantam's The Hidden Brain the science journalist discusses a phenomenon he parallels to a personal, near-death ocean experience that he calls the invisible current wherein people who swim with the current believe they are able to swim faster and farther because their own inherent strength and are unaware of additional forces.
In citation Vendantam describes two case studies of transgender male-to-female bodied and female-to-male bodied people in academic settings. It's revealing to notice the rail-guided structure comprised of positive expectations, privilege, and unearned advantages that many men readily enjoy and many women actively perpetuate, although the invisible current metaphor isn't limited just to feminism, it's functional for ability, race, orientation, age, and most significantly attractiveness.
In social psychology lecture my professor was very adamant that we recognize the significance of attractiveness discrimination, and the evidence of the privilege accumulated through this discrimination is monumental. There is an industrial culture in America that worships beauty: money is exchanged, ads are pitched, products are manufactured, and individuals become products. We attach ourselves to names, faces, and bodies that are easy to recall when making personal comparisons.
There's a reason all your most attractive, most intelligent friends post the least amount of f-b photos. Social vanity creates a subtle conflict within an online community and it becomes easy for attractiveness discrimination to manifest itself into trolling and stalking. People of integrity actively seek prejudice and work to dismantle it, but attractiveness prejudice is so ingratiated into who we are as to seem a genetic imperative.
Social Darwinism has fittingly earned its place on the wrong side of history, and when the argument arises it's more likely to be a red flag of injustice than an ethically acceptable ideology. The idea that attractive people deserve to be treated differently, and the subsequent creation of an elect class of humans is the most degrading and universal injustice on the planet. And the hardest part of eradicating it is learning to detect it.
Firstly, it's important to be able to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery. You may think you're providing a service with a self-esteem building compliment to someone attractive, but truly you're only depriving them of the oxygen of reality with suffocating flattery. This is especially true of people you are sexually attracted, but not committed, to. It's a subconscious, conditioned response to tell people if they're pretty because our insecurities seek out the approval of people whose looks give them authority. I try to make neutral compliments to others, only noticing changes of appearance and always keeping it brief.
Secondly, accept your own self-image. Accentuate your flaws and become someone memorable. Don't hide your body, even if it's gross: the only way for it to become "un-gross" is for people to be exposed to it. In the living world, outside of the glowing rectangles we love to stare at, people are attracted to all different bodies/faces/hairstyles not just the elect ideal of attractiveness. I have a thick mat of chest hair ("hamburger meat") that people have told me I should cover up or wax or burn off or whatever, but instead of getting hung up on other people's body issues I wear v-necks and a-shirts with pride.
Also you have to recognize the power dynamic in play with attractiveness discrimination. Intuitively one assumes the dynamic is cascading: with attractive people at the top of a hierarchy. I'd argue instead that the dynamic is more of a bell curve with those of average attractiveness majority wielding prejudice against the less attractive/more attractive minority. In both respects people are hunted (an ugly nerd is an "easy target" while the sexy single is "stalked"), and an anxiety of predation is established.
Attractiveness is nearly impossible to unbiasedly self-asses, and asking others will only give you inconsistent results. This is a testament to the fluid definition of attractive qualities. The process of divining these qualities is also highly self-destructive, and is not recommend. Instead, don't try to be "your perfect person" be as ugly as you can be and still love yourself. Remember, the majority is the average so aim for the middle. Women often tell me my eyes are my best feature and I'm hiding them with my dorky, Napoleon Dynamite glasses. The very thought of touching my eyes to put in contact lenses as per suggestion makes me shudder; almost as much as the idea of enduring said torture just for the benefit of those who only appreciate me for my looks.
It seems unnecessary to say but the difference between insults and criticism is also crucial. It's okay to swear at someone and tell them hurtful things when you're both angry, in the same room, and you love each other but being judgmental of people on the street is cheap entertainment that ultimately corrupts. Noticing that people are fat doesn't make you thin, and noticing that people have gross ponytails doesn't give you perfect hair forever. Of course there will always be a place in the heart of the sardonic for being critical of fashion, one should always bear in mind the train wreck outfits of laundry day's past.
The categorical imperative gets thrown around a lot by people who get off to abstract concepts, but the real challenge of morality isn't simply developing empathy: it's finding what qualities specifically you share with your fellow man, and how to protect them. When you strip away the attractiveness and elitism from the world you're left with only people of dignity and nobility, and you see that they're all the people.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
World's Dumbest Loser
Anxiety
There's so much anxiety within my self and my generation about "going somewhere". Everybody I know in their twenties is planning some trip to some bigger city or some other continent; or they're gunning for some horizontal movement within their company or their college or their scene. Facebook presents a constant flow of ego-filtered messages from everyone you ever worked with, went to school with, or met at a party, and the retro motive of "keeping up with the Jones" becomes a burden of self-examination and contrived affectation.
"Going nowhere"
I know that I'm going nowhere, and I like it. Throughout my childhood my family would pack up and move every three to five years. I've been to a total of nine different schools during my education (three elementary, two middle, three high, and one technical college), some where I fit in and some where I was too depressed to show up for class. I was not only used to change, I needed it.
But right now, in the Twin Cities, I feel more or less fulfilled. I'm finally at a school I love (I've been there since 2007), I'm respected by the people I work with (clients are another story), and most importantly I'm in love with a beautiful woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
There's a sentiment I've been repeating lately that even the worst job is doable if there's someone you love waiting for you at home. As a restaurant server I often have perform my duties with passive confidence under situations of heavy stress. Forcing a pleasant attitude and submissive demeanor because your money depends on it can become an excursion in soul-sucking and self-induced dehumanization when you're tired or hungry or your serving a dick. But when I'm not at work I'm not working on my graphic novel, or building furniture, or recording an EP: I'm with my girlfriend, having fun or doing whatever. It brings me out of the "smiling depression" that consumes me when I strip back the facetious veneer of enthusiasm with which I greet a world in which I have no influence or true importance.
A strong family is built on a strong relationship, and strong families are the cornerstone of strong communities. By just spending time together around town with my girlfriend and my friends I'm making my community stronger and improving my surroundings, ultimately improving my quality of life. Small, tight knit communities have higher life expectancy rates than disconnected ones because other community members look out for each other. I've learned to realize that community means I help you when things fall, so that someday there will be someone around to help me.
Help!
Unfortunately, civic responsibility is not an aspiration for the entire population. When I'm alone I can feel the jungle-law pervade my consciousness. I'm hunted: by deceptive salesmen, ticket-happy cops, conniving seductresses, arrogant social rivals, and scheming co-workers. A side effect of being a good citizen is the overbearing fear that you're being taken advantage of and the unsettling knowledge that you really are. The successful wonder: "Why not do what I do?", but never come to realize they only win because we lose, and we only lose because otherwise there's no game.
These days, as I watch people who were once close friends silently write me off as wasted potential with the whites of their eyes, I refuse to let myself feel inadequate. I will proudly aver my status as a twenty-four-year old child living in his parent's house in the suburbs, taking part time classes at junior college and turning tables at the Olive Garden. My clothes never fit, my phone/car/PC frequently doesn't work, I wear ugly glasses and have a gross haircut (a cross between a mullet and a bowl cut), and I'm always in the process of quitting smoking and relapsing. Most of my music is from 2010 (which is a year in music that I will defend to the death) and I haven't seen whatever movie you're talking about, so stop asking.
Men face a societal pressure in regards to status not unlike the one women face concerning body-image. Even in the most effeminate (straight) male circles competition and self-aggrandizing subtly break into conversations like dolphins on the ocean's surface: Indie music is a sport, where you "know guys", hear "new material", and "see it live" to earn points. Seeing art and attending events becomes something that you begrudgingly interrupt your comfort stupor for, only to later tell the internet that you did it. And the internet itself is an ocean full of messages-in-bottles where the blogs and memes that you are positive will catch on never make it past a hundred views.
I can't compete, or rather I won't compete. I don't want to struggle to "get somewhere" in life. I don't want to amass money or nice things that are intended to impress other people. I don't want to have the most cutting edge technology or the best clothes or all the other things that the television advertises to my valuable demographic. I simply want good food, great wine, and even better sex; and it doesn't hurt to have a job in biking distance from my home. The most valuable thing I have is something I give myself, and that's the time to do whatever I want.
Watching TV, getting stoned, maybe cooking something really good or playing guitar: that's how I'll waste my potential. I can feel all the haughty intellectual self-importance drain out of me when I'm two beers into a Futurama marathon and I'm free to drift off, thinking in a language unfiltered by company and without separated meaning and image. I value this time above all else. I stay up late and get dumber and dumber until I feel profound. Satisfied, I go to bed to start the process over again.
World's Dumbest Loser
Enjoying your life for what it is can be a controversial lifestyle. The success and mobility engine is shocked when it's engaged by a proud townie; nagged by it's own subconscious doubts as to what it wants from life. Once it's clear I'm no threat the immediate predator instinct kicks in and I'm summed up for a sucker, someone to be grappled into submission and mined for resources. I maintain my rigidity well enough, and am able to defend myself always but I'm haunted by the motives of others. Do they not know the sacrifice I make for them by choosing the way of the loser? I give my money, sweat, and blood for my love and my community because I'm integral to the system that the unnecessary leisure class feeds off of. Success's mixed messages of "Why can't you be like me?" and "Get your own!" are the two-fisted slap of a desperate animal: the dog which finally caught the tail it was chasing, only to realize it didn't want what it got.
So, now more than ever, by choice, I will be the world's dumbest loser. With love and the infinite depth of my imagination I can enjoy a life free from the shackles of success. Allow my failures to bring you all great fortune and I promise that I will let you all down until you've built yourself up enough to reach your dream. Just don't forget that it was my dream that died to get you there.
There's so much anxiety within my self and my generation about "going somewhere". Everybody I know in their twenties is planning some trip to some bigger city or some other continent; or they're gunning for some horizontal movement within their company or their college or their scene. Facebook presents a constant flow of ego-filtered messages from everyone you ever worked with, went to school with, or met at a party, and the retro motive of "keeping up with the Jones" becomes a burden of self-examination and contrived affectation.
"Going nowhere"
I know that I'm going nowhere, and I like it. Throughout my childhood my family would pack up and move every three to five years. I've been to a total of nine different schools during my education (three elementary, two middle, three high, and one technical college), some where I fit in and some where I was too depressed to show up for class. I was not only used to change, I needed it.
But right now, in the Twin Cities, I feel more or less fulfilled. I'm finally at a school I love (I've been there since 2007), I'm respected by the people I work with (clients are another story), and most importantly I'm in love with a beautiful woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
There's a sentiment I've been repeating lately that even the worst job is doable if there's someone you love waiting for you at home. As a restaurant server I often have perform my duties with passive confidence under situations of heavy stress. Forcing a pleasant attitude and submissive demeanor because your money depends on it can become an excursion in soul-sucking and self-induced dehumanization when you're tired or hungry or your serving a dick. But when I'm not at work I'm not working on my graphic novel, or building furniture, or recording an EP: I'm with my girlfriend, having fun or doing whatever. It brings me out of the "smiling depression" that consumes me when I strip back the facetious veneer of enthusiasm with which I greet a world in which I have no influence or true importance.
A strong family is built on a strong relationship, and strong families are the cornerstone of strong communities. By just spending time together around town with my girlfriend and my friends I'm making my community stronger and improving my surroundings, ultimately improving my quality of life. Small, tight knit communities have higher life expectancy rates than disconnected ones because other community members look out for each other. I've learned to realize that community means I help you when things fall, so that someday there will be someone around to help me.
Help!
Unfortunately, civic responsibility is not an aspiration for the entire population. When I'm alone I can feel the jungle-law pervade my consciousness. I'm hunted: by deceptive salesmen, ticket-happy cops, conniving seductresses, arrogant social rivals, and scheming co-workers. A side effect of being a good citizen is the overbearing fear that you're being taken advantage of and the unsettling knowledge that you really are. The successful wonder: "Why not do what I do?", but never come to realize they only win because we lose, and we only lose because otherwise there's no game.
These days, as I watch people who were once close friends silently write me off as wasted potential with the whites of their eyes, I refuse to let myself feel inadequate. I will proudly aver my status as a twenty-four-year old child living in his parent's house in the suburbs, taking part time classes at junior college and turning tables at the Olive Garden. My clothes never fit, my phone/car/PC frequently doesn't work, I wear ugly glasses and have a gross haircut (a cross between a mullet and a bowl cut), and I'm always in the process of quitting smoking and relapsing. Most of my music is from 2010 (which is a year in music that I will defend to the death) and I haven't seen whatever movie you're talking about, so stop asking.
Men face a societal pressure in regards to status not unlike the one women face concerning body-image. Even in the most effeminate (straight) male circles competition and self-aggrandizing subtly break into conversations like dolphins on the ocean's surface: Indie music is a sport, where you "know guys", hear "new material", and "see it live" to earn points. Seeing art and attending events becomes something that you begrudgingly interrupt your comfort stupor for, only to later tell the internet that you did it. And the internet itself is an ocean full of messages-in-bottles where the blogs and memes that you are positive will catch on never make it past a hundred views.
I can't compete, or rather I won't compete. I don't want to struggle to "get somewhere" in life. I don't want to amass money or nice things that are intended to impress other people. I don't want to have the most cutting edge technology or the best clothes or all the other things that the television advertises to my valuable demographic. I simply want good food, great wine, and even better sex; and it doesn't hurt to have a job in biking distance from my home. The most valuable thing I have is something I give myself, and that's the time to do whatever I want.
Watching TV, getting stoned, maybe cooking something really good or playing guitar: that's how I'll waste my potential. I can feel all the haughty intellectual self-importance drain out of me when I'm two beers into a Futurama marathon and I'm free to drift off, thinking in a language unfiltered by company and without separated meaning and image. I value this time above all else. I stay up late and get dumber and dumber until I feel profound. Satisfied, I go to bed to start the process over again.
World's Dumbest Loser
Enjoying your life for what it is can be a controversial lifestyle. The success and mobility engine is shocked when it's engaged by a proud townie; nagged by it's own subconscious doubts as to what it wants from life. Once it's clear I'm no threat the immediate predator instinct kicks in and I'm summed up for a sucker, someone to be grappled into submission and mined for resources. I maintain my rigidity well enough, and am able to defend myself always but I'm haunted by the motives of others. Do they not know the sacrifice I make for them by choosing the way of the loser? I give my money, sweat, and blood for my love and my community because I'm integral to the system that the unnecessary leisure class feeds off of. Success's mixed messages of "Why can't you be like me?" and "Get your own!" are the two-fisted slap of a desperate animal: the dog which finally caught the tail it was chasing, only to realize it didn't want what it got.
So, now more than ever, by choice, I will be the world's dumbest loser. With love and the infinite depth of my imagination I can enjoy a life free from the shackles of success. Allow my failures to bring you all great fortune and I promise that I will let you all down until you've built yourself up enough to reach your dream. Just don't forget that it was my dream that died to get you there.
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